On Tuesday of this past week, twenty-one lives were cut short along with the gunman’s life – but he was already empty and dead. I have no grace for those that harm children. I have no grace for those that disturb the sacred space of school. I have no grace for those that choose violence over conversation. Recently, my reserve for grace is empty because those that are violent, ruin sacred spaces at schools, and harm children on so many levels are ever-present. I have not seen much of an omnipresent god recently, but the evil that has come and filled the space it once occupied is in plain sight and continually adding more daily. None of this is nurturing. None of this is healthy. None of this is worthy of time, space, or matters much at all – except that it is evil. And evil must add to its numbers by subtracting those that see the wonder of life.
On Wednesday, after I lost my shit at work and caused several to walk down the hall to investigate the commotion, I left my office to walk the halls at one of the schools in my district. I needed to recenter. I needed to focus on an empty school filled with promise and potential. It was an overwhelming walk that was not helpful but rather needed. I was unable to shake the image of the tragedy out of my mind. I felt as though I was coming apart. I felt for the first time, defeated – not battle defeated, but lost the war defeated.
There is no hope in this post. I have no story from Japan that will make it all better. I have no appealing image that corresponds to this post, and I certainty do not have any words of wisdom of what this all means. Tuesday broke me, Wednesday scattered my pieces, and Thursday and Friday were filled with trying to work at school feeling overwhelmed not knowing if I would come back together.
While I have no words of wisdom, I will ask if you know a teacher, reach out to them. For two years society placed so much on the shoulders of teachers. Corporations, politicians, pastors, and parents placed tremendous amounts of stress on educators to do what others would not – just show up. This educator needs far more than a break…but, alas, summer school starts on Wednesday. And my track record for Wednesdays as not been so good lately!
It doesn’t have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking
Muddled Soma 